Denoument

Rest by Koda12

I'm not sure when it started building, but it all culminated these last two months in a roiling boil, that high note climax that sends you soaring at the apogee. Move apartments. Find submitters. Find new job. The interview clothes. 11th hour packing. Unloading the moving van after dark. Tanuki's squint eye needs looking at. Start new job. Apply to school. Apply to school. Apply to school hard.

I put the last of my application in the mail this afternoon. Registered mail means it's carried in a locked bag. I imagine by a man dressed in a suit, with a briefcase handcuffed to his wrist. That's how my application will arrive. I told the woman at the post office how reassured I felt with all the stamps going onto my package. She told me that's what I was paying for.

Then I went for my first visit to my new doctor, paid for by the insurance offered at the hospital I work at. Her waiting room contained one of her own paintings, and I knew I was in good hands.

Then I stopped on the way home to look for winter gloves for Dave, something fair trade, or environmentally or socially responsibly made, because I have some money to afford that now with our extra cheap rent. There was nothing I could find that wasn't either made only of knit (not good for 'driving or making snowballs'), or made in china. So I came home.

We had a roasted sweet potato and green bean casserole, and I laid down for a quick nap before going to our friends' apartment for art night. Quick nap became three hours. But there'll be art night next week. There will be more days and weeks to come, and more fights to be fought, challenges to be met. But for now there's peace. Now I can rest, and glow in the warmth of all the goodness I've found during these latest blessed struggles.

Damning evidence.

I haven't been here since college. Sitting at a computer, finding a variety of creative escapes from doing what needs to be done. My Essay. I've done all the little houseworks I can think of tonight for my grad application. Shot off some base-touching emails to my remaining references, nudge them back to the paperwork they need to do. Switched my Facebook and long forgotten Myspace accounts to private. God forbid the admissions committee comes across a photo of me dressed as a pizza slice, in the hungry embrace of a suited grizzly bear.
In any case, I believe in my heart that I am capable of this program. The tricky part is convincing the admissions people of this. Which is why I'm so cautious about my essay. My transcripts and recommendation letters will speak for themselves, this is the one time I speak for myself. I don't want to wharblegarble all over the place.

It is possible that whatever godly force is out there has let me feel their guiding hand, and restirred my faith now for some kind of Jobian test. I mull on this likelihood everyday. But what do I know about the whims of gods. All I can do now is pull every trick I know, and though I may be facing a crushing defeat, hold the faith, like water in cupped hands.